You have a choice


It seems to me that these two questions are one in the same:

Will I allow this experience to soften my heart or harden my heart?

-and-

Will I allow my ego to be diminished from this experience or will I invest in it even more?

You get to answer these questions. One answer brings pain, the other brings Peace.

Dishonesty hides shame and guilt

Dishonesty is a cover for shame and guilt. Small lies, big lies, lies by omission, intentional confusion, exaggerations...whatever form dishonesty takes, it is designed to protect one from their undealt with shame and guilt. Even when we are withholding information to "protect" another, most of the time that's just an excuse and a hidden way to protect ourselves.

Think about the times in your life that you've been dishonest, whether you consider it big or small. What were you trying to hide? What judgment were you trying to "save" yourself from?

I am

I am the daughter who has been kicked out of the house and my parents have not come to look for me. 

I am the woman who has three children and just lost my job.

I am the single mother raising two boys, their father is an alcoholic. 

I am the man who moved a thousand miles away, to a new town, to be with the woman I love only to be tossed aside a few months later.

I am the woman whose husband has dementia. 

I am the man who found out that my wife, the love of my life, has been having an affair and has fallen in love with the other man.

I am the woman whose boyfriend just said he doesn’t know if he wants to be monogamous.

I am the man whose parents told me I was going to hell because I'm homosexual.

I am the woman whose mother said "it's a shame what happened to her" even though she  doesn't know me.

I am the man who has a lot of shame and guilt for hiring a business partner who ran my business into the ground. I let all of my other business partners down, one of which is my little sister.

I am the teenage girl who just found out I'm pregnant.

I am the child who told my parents I was going to run away and they laughed at me and said "go ahead."

I am the elderly woman who gave up on love decades ago because the search hurt too much.

I am the woman who has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

I am the deployed soldier who just learned my wife wants a divorce.

I am the pregnant woman carrying twins and my two year old, special needs child has just passed away. While trying to grieve for myself, I am simultaneously trying to remain strong for my oldest child.

I am the man who doesn't know why I feel depressed all the time even though everything is going okay in my life.

I am the 40 year old man who hasn’t been in a relationship in the 10 years since my divorce. I feel so lonely. 

I am the insensitive man who lost the woman I love because I could never let my walls down. I just didn’t know how.

I am the man who has to bury my dog. He was my best bud for the last 15 years.

I am the teenage boy who has run to the chapel to cry with God because my girlfriend broke up with me. I don’t have anywhere else to turn for comfort.

I am the little boy who accidentally killed the house pet. I want to run away to spare everyone I love from the pain I cause. I think I always fuck everything up.

I am the child who just lost both parents.

I am the man who has recently discovered that he has disassociated sexual abuse from his childhood.

I am all of these people because I know what pain and suffering is. Pain and suffering is all the same underneath the form it takes. The more that we look at one another and think things like “I’m not as bad as them” or “They don’t have it as bad as me” the more we separate from each other and the more isolated we all feel.

Let me use my pain and suffering to help end the separation and to help others find comfort in the midst of despair.

Grandiosity

"...Grandiosity is the flip side of debilitating shame."

- From "Shame and Guilt Masters of Disguise" by Jane Middelton-Moz

 

“Grandiosity is always a cover for despair.”

- A Course In Miracles, T-9.VII.49

 

How many times in my life have I been grandiose? Too many times to count. In what ways have I been grandiose? Judging others, giving unsolicited advice as if I know what's best, chasing after accomplishments in various spheres, one-upping others. These are just a few that come to mind but, there are countless other manifestations in my 38 years of living.

I want to leave my grandiosity behind, I no longer need it. It was an attempt at esteeming myself but it was done in a dysfunctional way. Grandiosity pushes real relationships away. I'm ready to love and be loved for just being.

When I am in the presence of someone who is grandiose, I will remember that under their grandiosity is a hurt child and instead of judging myself as better than, I will hold loving and healing thoughts towards that person.

Illusions don't heal

 

Time and space are two forms of the same illusion. 

If you believe that time heals wounds then you believe that illusions heal wounds. 

If you believe that putting space between you and event(s) and/or person(s) that hurt you will keep you safe then you believe that illusions can protect you.

Neither time nor space can heal your hurts. Only healed perception can truly heal you.

Where can you go?

When there is too much pain in the past and too much fear in the future, where else can you find solice except the present? 

Chapter 26, Section IX - The Immediacy of Salvation - from the Text of A Course In Miracles, speaks to our association with time/space - both are forms of  the same thing - the idea of distance, and both are imagined.

Behavior Teaches the Underlying Beliefs

A Course In Miracles sets forth the idea that all behavior teaches the underlying beliefs that motivate the behavior.

Over 2,000 years ago a man name Jesus of Nazareth was crucified.  The Passion and the Crucifixion were behaviors. What beliefs were Jesus' persecutors teaching? It can simply be summed up as this: Attack is strength and attack will get you what you want.

What beliefs did Jesus teach throughout his life and during the Passion and Crucifixion? It can be simply summed up as this:  Love is strength.

Who's beliefs are currently winning in our world? It seems to me that this world is still trying to teach the same thing the Romans and Jewish leaders were teaching 2,000 years ago, that is, attack is strength and Love is weakness.  

May I ask you, how is that working for us?

The Romans and the Jewish elders believed that if they killed Jesus they would weaken the ideas he was teaching. How did that work out for them? Did attack get them what they wanted? Here we are 2,000 years later and his ideas are still alive but his body is not.

Do not let this idea be persecuted and crucified anymore: Love is strength, attack is weakness.  This idea must be resurrected from your unconscious mind.  It's your choice. It has nothing to do with anybody else or anything else.

Father, please let me live in Love. Let my behaviors teach only Love. What we teach, we learn so I know if I want to learn what Love is, I must teach Love in every instant I find myself, no matter how fearful the external circumstances seem to be.

Idolatry

If you don't believe that everyone is equal, you must believe in idolatry. The only question for you to answer then, in regard to any relationship and any situation that arises within a relationship is: Are you the idol or the idolater?

Being either the idol or idolater will hurt you.

At times you have accepted the role of idolater in the vain imagining that at some point it will be your turn to be the idol.  How appealing is it to allow yourself to be a slave in the dim hope that sometime soon you'll get to be the master, only to return to the role of slave shortly thereafter?

All relationships must be based on equality if you want them to be Real Relationships - everything else is a compromise.  You have compromised and you have asked others to compromise.  Put an end to this sick dance and you will know what freedom is and you will know the gifts Real Relationship offer.

 

“Seek not outside yourself. For it will fail, and you will weep each time an idol falls.”

-A Course In Miracles T-29.VIII.43